Thursday, March 30, 2006

Death Becomes You...

Have you ever had the feeling that you were been followed? Like something wasn't right, but you couldn't quite place your finger on it? If you have, then you know how this young man felt on a recent vacation to California. My name is may have heard of me. You definately have never seen me, but I assure you: One day we will meet face to face, and you will know who I am. After centuries of secrecy, I have decided to share my story with The Wide, Wide World of Sports for many reasons, none of which concern you. It will serve your purposes to know that I visit this site every weekday, and I enjoy what I read. It makes me laugh, and coming from Death, thats a huge compliment. Luckily for all of us, the editor doesn't have an appointment with me until 2065, on the corner of Stetson and Crompton Ave. Anyway, I have provided a link to the photo album of my vacation at the bottom of this page. Unfortunately, the person in the pictures still walks the Earth. He was one of the lucky few who have eluded me. In the media I generally get a bad reputation. It is for that reason I have decided to publicly display my mercy to the world, using this man as an example. Along with being named "Death" comes many negative connotations and feelings towards me. I just want to depict the reality of what its like to wander in between dimensions, transporting the Souls of the Dead.

The man in this picture (we'll call him Gerald Porter to protect his real identity,) was visiting San Diego on vacation. Originally I was supposed to Soul Suck him back on March 18th, which was a Saturday if my memory serves me correctly. As you can see in the pictures, his soul was mine for the taking anytime I wanted it. He was oblivious to the fact that death was on his doorstep. If it were a sunny day, I probably would have finished him off immediately(I have very pale skin and burn easily.) As it turns out, it was an overcast day, a day that Porter spent on Coronado Island, a beautiful slab of land in San Diego's bay. Yes, Death said something was beautiful, don't act surprised. Just because I separate Body's from Souls doesn't mean I can't appreciate the beauty of nature. Just because I turn body frames to blue fog doesn't mean I don't enjoy a cocktail and a sunset. These are the sort of misconceptions I am here to disprove.

Death doesn't just deal with death. My name describes me quite well, but that isn't all I am. I like to think I am more than just the Ender of Lives; I want to be more than that. Look at it this way: If you're an accountant on vacation, are you still an accountant? Of course you are, but you don't do much accounting while your vacationing I'm sure. I wasn't officially on vacation, but when you are sent to a place like that for work, you tend to be a bit more liberal with the company credit card, if you catch my drift. I simply wanted to enjoy the afternoon before I ended his life. Is that so bad?

Normally, if I am in a dreary city or run-down town, I will do my job quickly and move on to the next one. This time was different because of the location, but it was also different for another reason. I have found over the years that when people are being stalked by Death (me), they are always looking over their shoulder; they feel cold, and have a strong sense of impending doom. Mr. Porter, however, must not have fully developed his 7th "Death" sense. Everytime I was near him, he just kept on smiling. This was no ordinary soul, that was for sure. As much as I hated to do it, I needed to put in a call to home base.

Wait...You think I'm about to tell you where Death lays his sickle down at night...Where he rests his bones? Or who he takes orders from? Hey, I'm hear to make people sympathetic to my existence, not destroy it. If I give out the location of my work, there may be a theme park built there within two years. It will be good enough for you to know that the man I work for is omnipotent, which means he knows what you are thinking as you read this. He is the one who decides who goes and when... I simply get the soul he wants and bring it back to him, no questions asked. However, for the first time since I took over for my old pal Plague in the middle ages, I felt myself second guessing orders. One thing about this job is the finality of it; once I make my move, it cannot be don't want to be making mistakes with souls.

I had to place a call to the boss, and its a good thing I did. Turns out that Mr. Porter was in fact on my list, but he was 'Untouchable.' In all my years, I have come across maybe a dozen of these 'Untouchables.' The reasons for their untouchablility vary, but the name is fitting because Death cannot touch them. I have an Untouchable List, but encounter one so rarely I don't bother staying up to date on it. Although I will never know the reasons why Porter is untouchable, I must adhere to the rules. Porter's time will come someday, even if he is untouchable to me now, he will not always stay that way. I have always been able to have second meetings with Untouchables later in their lives, and I always get my soul in the end. I have a little saying about such incidences: "Escape me once and enjoy the time/ The next time we meet your Soul is Mine."

I took many pictures during my vacation, some of which I have included HERE. I wanted to show how close I can get to you before I take your soul. I want everyone out there to realize that I can get you, no matter where you are or what you are doing (unless you are Untouchable of course). I also want you all to realize how lonely this job is. Nobody can see me, nobody can hear me, no one can touch me. I have no one to talk to. I exist in this vacuum of lonliness every day, and while I am rejuvinated by every soul i extinguish, I wish I had some company doing it.

I hope this inside look into Death gave you a little perspective on me. Every set of eyes that read my words has a soul behind it. Every soul must die, and it is my job to make sure it does done the right way. The nature of my job is unfortunate, but I am not a bad guy. Think of me as an usher for Souls. The main difference is while the ushers you know help you find your seat, I help your soul find its end. Its just business baby...nothing personal.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great job death!!! Great job!!

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shotgun for Death? Porter should have put Death in the back seat. After all, Death is black right?

3:45 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home