Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Sounds Strange to Me...How Bout You?

I just wanted to post some things that I have been thinking about, I have observed, or that have happened to me in the past few weeks. I started realizing I was seeing all these strange things happening around me, and I wanted to write them all down. I wonder if stuff like this happens to other people, or if people even pay attention to these things. Anyway, here's some strange events to ponder. Am I the only one who thinks these things are strange?

-Strange things happen at the bottle & can redemption center. I was in line behind an elderly lady who resembled Mike Ditka both in appearance, voice, and smell. She didn't have bags of cans to redeem; she had two milk crates filled with empty 40 oz. bottles. The bottles would have been impressive as the remnants of a good night at a college frat party; but to see her trading in those bottles really made me wonder about the woman and her life story.

-During that same trip, a man walked in and grabbed a used bag out of the trash. He proceeded outside to his car, where he filled the ripped bag with empty 40's that were lying behind the driver's seat on the floor. I let him go ahead of me in line because he only had that one bag. He traded in about 25 empty 40 oz. bottles, receiving roughly enough money to buy a new 40...which he did immediately after getting his redemption money.

-The other day while I was pulling out of a gas station, I had to cross a lane to get going the right way. I pulled out, and had to wait a few seconds as the light changed and the cars started moving. This forced a truck travelling the opposite way to slow down ever so slightly so it didn't hit me. It was a Napa Auto Parts truck, one of the ones with the yellow hat on top of the cab. To my surprise, it was driven by a woman, who proceeded to flip me off and unleash a string of curse words that would make Andrew Dice Clay sound like Danny Tanner.

-On the way to work last week, I got passed by a Honda Civic with a (homemade) camouflage paint job. I was driving 80 mph. The Civic was going 100. Maybe he thought the cops would have trouble picking his car up against the background of the woods on the side of the highway.

-Twice in the last two weeks, I have gone into the handicapped bathroom at work only to find paper on the toilet seat. First, it was a Neat Seat, which someone had obviously used and left for the next person. Maybe they felt it was proper manners to leave that there for someone else to use. The second time, there was a dump in the toilet, and toilet paper lining the seat. Part of this arrangement was hanging inside the toilet and into the water. I'm curious, does anyone else out there feel obligated to leave their toilet paper nests on a public toilet for future use by other visitors, or is it just people in my office?

-I can't understand some people. I live down a quiet dirt road in a quiet town. Every night between 10pm and midnight, a kid who lives down the road comes home. How do I know that? Because no matter what time of night it is, he is playing music louder than his car speakers can handle. Its just mind boggling. If you have ever been in the car with this kid, you probably have permanent hearing damage. Plus, its totally pointless. Most people that live down that road are either summer residents, or fast asleep by the time this kid comes home, so there is no one around to impress. Maybe it makes him feel cool to listen to rap at loud volumes in the middle of the night. Kid, if you are out there, I am here to tell you that your un-needed display of playing distorted rap music too loud is possibly the most pointless activity I can think of.

-I love it when people park their cars far away from the door to whatever building they are entering, but instead of parking in a spot, they park diagonally across two or three. What? You are basically declaring to the world that your car is so nice you won't even let it near other cars. That has to be the most arrogant thing you can do while parking a car. Recently I saw this at a mall, but instead of the typical Benz or BMW, there sat a white Honda with a steel-coloured spoiler taking up two and a half spots . I don't need to mention the fact that this car is worth less than $10, 000 or that it isn't even up for consideration for occupying multiple parking spots. The next time you see a car parked sideways like that, I suggest parking right next to it, as close as you can without touching it...all the better if your car is a shitbox. That will teach the person who feels they need more than one parking spot to take themselves a little less seriously.

-One night while traversing my excrutiating path home after work, I got stuck in a traffic jam. I was sitting there in stand-still, not-moving-an-inch traffic, when I looked out the window and saw a man open his window and proceed to drop a large McDonald's bag full of trash on the ground right next to his car. Then he put up his window, and sat there until the traffic started moving. I was speechless. Its not unheard of to see a bag of trash on the side of the road, but usually whoever drops it doesn't stick around to admire his work. Not only could this guy have waited until he came to a proper trash receptical, he could have tried to mask the fact that he was blatently breaking the law in front of dozens of people. I tried to initiate a citizen's arrest, but after a lackluster response from my fellow commuters, I disgressed.

-Finally, we come to the the most unbelievable topic on this list; Unabashed Public Child Abuse. I have seen this one several times before, but never as bad as a recent trip to Filene's. Usually, you see public beatings in places like Walmart or Shaw's, Wareham or New Bedford. This time it was at a mall, in Filene's. Women of the world, please listen up: DO NOT HAVE MORE BABIES THAN YOU CAN CARE FOR. This woman had 3 kids, all under 7 years old from the looks of it; she couldn't have been older than thirty. Anyway, she was looking at some clothes for her man (I think... she was in the men's section). Her kids were all over the department; making noise, grabbing clothes, throwin' bows...generally acting like kids, but poorly behaved kids none-the-less. Anyway, the mother tried quietly to shush the kids, but after that didn't work she started calling them 'bastards' to their faces and 'little muthafuckas' under her breath. (The bastard part was ironically true.)

Eventually the kids got closer to their mom, but were still acting up. This whole scene took about five to seven minutes to unfold, by the way. All of a sudden, mommy bends down low and strokes her oldest son across the jaw with a left. I'm not saying it was a closed-fist punch...but I'm not saying it wasn't either. The kid went down like Peter Griffin and started crying on the ground: you know that kid crying where they are so hurt and shocked they can't catch their breath? The mother then pushed the other brother into a rack of shirts, then yanked the girl up violently by her arm, which seemed to be completely dislocated by that point. Now, instead of 3 misbehaving kids, there were three battered, bawling bastards causing a huge scene in Filene's. At least the mother knew in the end who was responsible for the whole fiasco. As she picked up her children, and pretended like everything was alright, she whispered in that 'its-alright' mom voice..."See what you made me do? Don't you ever make me do that again!?!"

There you have it...a summary of strange things that happen around me. I'm sure all you out there have similar experiences to talk about. If anyone wants to leave a comment regarding this, or an email...feel free, I will include your story in my next installment if they measure up....


Anonymous Nicole said...

this is my favorite blog yet :) i like when you write about stuff that you observe, you stud.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Great blog dude, I love to hear about the things that you see and experience. I've seen instances of the like you wrote about in Filenes.
About three years ago I saw a dude and his wife/girlfriend go at it in a public parking lot, the guy picks up a grocery cart and slams it over the womans head. At that point I had to step in and wait for the police to arrive.
I just don't get it, what does go through peoples minds, or what doesn't go through them.
At any rate, I like your blog and check in on it often. I think you make some very valid observations. Keep up the bloging, I do enjoy it.


3:25 AM  

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