Wednesday, March 22, 2006

San Diego...Land of the Bro, Home of the Burrito

Alright, I'm back (at least physically) from California. My vacation was pretty good, but not as relaxing as I would have hoped. I am currently in no state of mind to write a well thought-out piece today, so instead I will drop some random observations and comments about my trip to San Diego, California.

- There are so many 'Bro's in California its not even funny. I'm talking specifically about Pacific Beach. Our bartender had a thick SoCal accent(even though he was from Framingham.) "Welcome to Cabo. How bout a Corona? Duuude, Corona Light? No way bro, you're getting a big guy, Corona. How bout a shot? Duuude"

-If you go out to California without an identity, one can be found with a wristband, some Etnies, and a flat-brimmed hat from whatever surf or skateboard company you choose to rep.

-San Diego is a VERY clean city. It makes Boston look like a landfill.

-The burrito market is such that competitive forces drive down the price of mexican food so far that I wonder how, or if, these places are making any profit. We usually ate breakfast at a restaurant simply called "Mexican Food." For $3.95 I had a breakfast burrito roughly the size of Zach Morris' cell phone, and a drink. No wonder these people take siestas...I didn't need to eat again until the sun went down.

-The homeless in San Diego definately have it made, in comparision to their brethren in less desirable climates. I am not saying that the homeless are thriving, or its good to be homeless. But if you are going to be travelling that road, there are worse places to be than CA. While enjoying a morning toss with the baseball on the beach, I noticed guys sleeping under the pier. Soft place to sleep, good weather, privacy...that pier had it all. I would also go as far as to say the homeless down there have more personality than any other homeless people I have seen.

-For instance...the heavy Mexican guy with just a guitar to his name, singing Jim Croce songs by the beach. Or, the black man with dreads who walked into the middle of a crosswalk, then proceeded to move around like he was in The Matrix. You know the scene from The Matrix on the roof, where Neo first dodges the bullets? Substitute a black homeless guy for Neo, a crosswalk for a roof, and nobody for the agent, and you have the exact scene that I witnessed.

-Going on a vacation with five guys isn't as easy as it sounds. It's actually extremely difficult. Not everyone wants to do the same stuff, and spending five days with the same dudes wears on you. But as long as you can let it go when you get home, its okay.

-The women in California are incredible, especially when viewed against the ample backdrop of girls in Massachusetts. The standard of hotness gets adjusted upward when you go out there. For example, a good looking girl in MA might go out to CA and not get a look. A kind-of hot girl from CA can come to MA and has to beat off guys with a stick.

-Men: You could have a patch over your eye and a leg could be broken, and you would still end up with a dime piece out there. To put it plainly, you can easily date way outside of your league in California. There just aren't enough good looking guys to match the number of girls, so the girls are forced to make the benefit of all men on Earth. I like to call it the Theory of Supply and DeMan. The supply of beautiful women does not equal the supply of good looking men, skewing the average man's appearance upward, enabling them to get girlfriends that make other guys say, "What the fuck am I doing wrong if this guy is dating THAT girl?"

-In-N-Out Burger employs some of the hardest working people I have ever seen working. At any one time, there are three people working, and this place gets packed. They make the fries fresh, so somebody has to cut the taters, while another person takes orders, while the third person cooks hamburgers at a frantic pace. Also, they have a secret menu (not so secret I guess if its online), with such items as a Neopolitan shake (vanilla-chocolate-strawberry) and the Flying Dutchman (two patties with cheese, no bun). How cool is that?

-The time difference comes into effect all the time, especially when your trip is based on sporting events. I woke up at 10am on Friday to a full slate of college basketball, where if I were on the East Coast, those games don't take place until the afternoon. You can watch a full day of sports by 4pm, hit an outdoor bar for some sundown drinks, and go out at night without missing the Sox game.

-While leaving a bar one night, we saw a drunk guy who was yelling at his lady. After pissing on himself while trying to urinate on a fence, he tried to get a cab. As he was getting into the cab, he and his girl started yelling at each other, at which point the cabby hammered the gas and made a get away. The drunk kid was half in the cab when the dude took off, so he almost got run over. Later we saw the cabby at Jack in the Box, and it looked as if he was pulling the same trick on another mark.

-If you are going to move to southern California, it would be in your best interest to learn Spanish. Some people there don't even bother to learn even remedial English. You are in America, and we speak English here. Do you want me to start checking green cards? Its not the vacationing foreigners that bother me though, its the ones that stay...If you live here, learn English. America's ATM's in California have two pages of language options to choose from; I think foreigners can at least provide me with the 'English' option so we can communicate.

-Have you ever heard the Dave Chappelle skit about being taken to the ghetto when he isn't expecting to go? He realizes he is going to the ghetto by the stores on the side of the road..."gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store...where the fuck are you taking me?" Same thing for Pacific Beach, except its "smoke shop, smoke shop, bar, fast food..."

-One member of our trip was stricken with a sickness that caused mass amounts of methane gas to silently seep out of his body. The list of casualties caused by his affliction includes multiple passengers on all three decks of a river boat we took around the bay; rows 13-18 in section 231 of Petco Park, including groups of Japanese and Cuban fans; and finally In-N-Out Burger, where he simply stood up, said "Let's see how loud this is going to be" while laughing hysterically, and let 'er rip. Subsequently, no less than 5 people ran out of the restaurant to escape asphyxiation. On the trip it became known as Centox Nerve Gas.

-Dive bars aren't that fun, especially when you are trying to relax. I was at one on Sunday, and even though you could buy a shot and a beer for under $5, I didn't particularly enjoy looking over my shoulder every five minutes, waiting to get hit with a pool stick.

-There are drive-in convenience stores in California. I was actually too weirded out by the idea to use the one I saw.

So there it is, some off the cuff comments about San Diego and my trip there. I should be revived tonite by an abundance of REM cycles, so tomorrow I will have something a bit more thoughtful. Until then...Stay Classy San Diego.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You summed up SD very well. When i was out there I had 19 hard shelled tacos...that's right i kept track. I was letting off some lovely tox gases myself. the girls out there are amazing. I think boston girls need to get a little more personality and a lot better looking...QUICK!

7:10 AM  

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