Monday, March 27, 2006

What in the Wide, Wide Weekend?

As usual, I had a boring weekend, devoid of any event of special relevance. I did however leave my house, giving me more than enough ammunition for today.

-I went to Walmart last night in search of a few household items-toilet paper, trash bags, batteries and Gatorade. I go there when I need this or that because its monopolized pricing leads to good deals, but that doesn't mean I like going there. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than in Fairhaven Walmart...on second thought maybe its just Walmart in general. Anyway, I was trying to find the t.p. when I heard a woman talking on her cell phone. Maybe you haven't encountered a fat Portuguese woman in your life, but I know I have. Generally they are loud, obnoxious, and try to make sure everyone hears what they are saying. I'm sure the whole store could hear her based on the volume of her voice, but it wasn't the loudness of this woman that bothered me... it was her language.
Far be it from me to chastize someone over their vocabulary, but in a crowded store, at 6pm on a Sunday night I think this woman could have toned it down. I know its tough, based on who you are and where you live, but try to exercise a little bit of tact. I'm sure I wasn't the only one impressed by the myriad ways she employed the word 'asshole,' but if I had been with a younger person I would have felt inclined to say something to her. To quote, "Ya, she's an asshole. What an asshole. I told her that, she knows what an asshole I think she is. I'm the supervisor, you're an asshole if I say you're an asshole. Not you, her. She's the asshole. You did nothing wrong." Wow lady, now everyone in the store knows your a supervisor. Couldn't save that tirade for the ride home? I hope we have some sort of natural disaster soon...its going to be a shame to see the downfall of society caused by people like this asshole.

-Today I got a $185 speeding ticket on the way to work. What a great way to start the week. Normally, if I had gotten pulled over for speeding I would not deny my infractions. But this cop had such a hard-on for giving me a ticket that I will appeal it to the fullest extent of my rights as a citizen of this ever-declining country we live in. I was driving towards the highway, down a road with two lanes on either side. Apparently the 'cop' was driving the other direction, whipped the car around because it was such an emergency that he had to give me a ticket, and came up behind me. I didn't see him go by, and proceeded to pull into the gas station as planned. I pulled up to the station, and the cop pulled in behind me, blocking paying customers from buying gas. He never put his lights so I had no idea he was about to give me a ticket. Then I hear, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Who, me? What? Then, when I looked surprised, he goes, "Ya you thought you could get away from me by swerving into this gas station didn't you?" "No, sorry I was getting gas because my the arrow on my tank is pointing towards 'E.'" Then he says, "Liscense and registration. Where are you going?" Does this question have any relevance to my alleged speeding? Cops LOVE that they can pull you over and ask you these sorts of makes them feel like they have some sort of power.
This all took place while I was getting my gas tank filled mind you. A line has started to form behind one of Marion's Finest. The attendant is asking what crime I committed. Then the smell of Bacon fills the air, and I know the cop is on the way back. "I wrote ya up for those things we talked about before. Have a nice day." Have a nice day? A nice day? You just ruined my day Fuck-O. If I got a ticket, I was expecting one around $100...not $185. That is preposterous. And unlike that cop, I can't put in for some bullshit detail work that pays me $40 an hour for waving cars past the Verizon guy who is working on the phone lines. There will be an appeal, tough-guy officer "CHP" who can't even write his full name on the ticket...O yes, there will be an appeal. If I do not find retribution for this heinous crime against ME I will take it to an actual court. I am prepared to do what must be done to overturn this cops petty actions, and return balance to my universe. Get ready Marion...the dogs of war are making noise, and are about to be unchained.

-This weekend I saw V for Vendetta. I liked the movie a lot, and its hard not to draw parallels between the London of 2020 and the United States today. Of course the movie is a bit on the extreme side, but the basic ideas and principles behind what goes on in the movie are perfectly plausible given the economical and political climate of the present day. The main point of the movie that I feel is closest to the truth in this country is that most of our citizens just sit back and go along for the ride. In the movie, the government controls everything: music, literature, the news...everything. The government is controlled by one man, who employs many men to keep the country under his command. For instance, a man is killed just for having a copy of the Qu'ran, which he must keep in a secret room so nobody finds out(they obviously find it.) The newscasters are fed lies by the government, and even though the public knows they are lying, it keeps going on. I believe the story is intended to inspire us to action, much like V's speech in the movie. Problem is, we don't have a "V" in real life; there is no person who is going to stand up and fight the government.
So in the final analysis, the only tangible gift bestowed upon us by V for Vendetta is Natalie Portman. I'm smitten. She just keeps getting hotter and hotter. Hollywood, listen up: put Natalie Portman in a movie, and I will buy a ticket. Unless its something like "Little Women," then i will have to pass. But go see V for will give you a lot to think about....and look at.

-It's time to come clean about something. I sing in the car. That by itself wouldn't make me much different from any other sorry sap driving to work in the morning. The difference for me is that I sing along to rap I rap along to ghetto-ass music on the way to work. Me, a white kid from Rochester, MA, listening to songs that would make your grandmother feint before the hook hits. Songs so hardcore and raw that I sometimes have trouble playing them at an audible level for fear of retaliation from people outside my vehicle. My one hope is that whoever sees me rapping in the car can't read lips. If they can read lips, it would be better for everyone involved if that person wasn't black. By its nature, rapping along with the words of songs could be very offensive to some; especially when its a white dude saying words that white people shouldn't ever say. I obviously don't mean to offend anyone, but those are the lyrics right, so what am I to do?
For the record, I am not listening to Marky Mark or the Fresh Prince. I consider myself somewhat of a rap aficionado, and with that claim comes the truth: I listen to hardcore rap. East, West, South, Old, New... it doesn't matter. If its good I'm listening to it. Just to give you all a visual of what I'm talking about, I wanted to include the last song I learned the words to. I learned it during the ride to work one day, by rewinding the verse and replaying it until I got it right. While you read the words, picture who's mouth they were coming out of, and you will have some idea of how intense my car ride to work is. So without further ado, here are the words spoken by myself, but written and recited by Kurupt Young Gotti.
(Kurupt talking)
YEAH! Gangsta shit. YEEAAH. Kurupt Young Gotti, Daz Dillinger, Jayo, What up Face...Fuck these bitches and all these punk ass nigga's out this mothafucka nigga, they ain't talkin bout shit...
The chronical, psychosis, brain bender busta/Fucker, sucka ass punk mothafuckas/Tommy the talent tucker, calico consealer/Daz the real dealer, mothafuckin busta killer/Facin all you nigga's, Scarface nigga/Chase, erase, replace and waste nigga's/Shake, crack, and brake, no mistake nigga/Fuck em, stick em, stuck em, Chucks laced nigga/Fat laces nigga, blue fat laces nigga/Me and the homie's all on paper chase nigga.

I don't endorse what he's saying, or even understand half of it, but it sure does sound good. So the next time you drive past me, or anyone else for that matter, singing along to a rap song, don't hate. Just realize that the person is doing the same thing as you are, which is singing along to their favorite songs.


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