Monday, April 24, 2006

NFL Mock Drafts

By all accounts, the NFL is the most popular and successful professional sports league in America. There are many different reasons for this, chief among them being the typical male sports fans affection for the gridiron. The NHL is an ever-declining league, the NBA can't be successful without Jordan playing, and Major League Baseball is going strong, but faces many problems of its own. Americans love seeing others get hit hard, so that works for football. Football is the gladiator sport for the masses, only Tom Brady doesn't get a broad sword through the neck when the Pats lose. Also, Americans have a short attention span in general, which is why a 16 game season is perfect for them. If you have ever done fantasy sports leagues, you know what I mean. Football is easy because you have a week in between games to load up your team. Baseball plays a 162 game schedule, making it nearly impossible to win a fantasy league without updating your roster daily. Yet for all the advantages it has, the NFL is fucking KILLING me in two regards, one major and one minor. The minor problem is they have something called Schedule Day. The other, more major problem I have with the league is...Mock Drafts.

Schedule Day is the most idiotic thing I have ever seen...but it works. To me its as exciting as a morphine drip, but people treat the day the schedule is released like a national holiday... which doesn't make any sense considering the rosters of each team will be vastly different on September 1st than they are today. Trained chimps don't respond this well to a controlled variable, which in this case is anything with the letters N-F-L attached to it. What shocks me is the way people scout the schedule to see what games they are going to watch in November or December. Is your life so empty that you have to block off a Pats-Colts game on your calandar 6 months from now? Think about how pathetic that is. When schedules are released, there is no harm in looking it over and seeing who your team plays and when. However, the way the NFL went about their schedule release, it was like draft day or something. I'm reasonably sure that some idiots took the day off too. What a let down that must be. "Dude the fuckin' Pats are playing the Broncos in Octobah. We can get revenge on those fuckahs for endin' ah season last year." Uhh, ya I can't wait. Except its April. Tom Brady is still on vacation. For all you NFL diehards that take it to that other level...get a life.

(In a recent poll, 84% of NFL fans would rather look at this draft emblem than be alone and naked in a room with Carmen Electra)

Now, I realize the NFL doesn't make people like Mel Kiper, Jr. or the mysterious Dr. Z come up with mock drafts, but they certainly don't discourage it...and for what? I want someone to go back through time and match up all the mock drafts with the actual drafts. I bet the Kiper's of the world are right maybe 40% of the time....maybe. Howcome after the draft comes and goes, nobody ever calls them on it? If I predict sales figures for my company that are way off, I could lose my job. Kiper? He gets a prime slot in next years draft coverage. They can't be good at the job, because if they predicted the first round exactly, nobody would watch it on the tele. Its incredible that drafts even get coverage considering none of those players have ever played in the NFL. I understand that for the team that gets Reggie Bush, it is a big deal. But do you have to watch at 1pm to find out, or will Reggie Bush be a Texan at the end of the day regardless? Maybe staring at the t.v. waiting for an old man to call out a kid's name is enjoyable to you all, but to me its the bane of the NFL.

For my money, baseball is the best and only game in town. I appreciate the difficulties of each sport, and have played most of them in my time. While I enjoy watching NFL games, I think there is a lot wrong with that league. The most disturbing problem I have with the NFL is that they make it seem like America revolves around it, and that isn't the case. The NFL should get Schedule Day and Draft Day in a room and have them fuck...after which will be born NFL Who Gives A Shit Day, where all the NFL's schedules, drafts, advertising campaigns, fund raisers, and special programs are all spoken about in depth to the people who want to hear about it...couch potatoes, Al Bundy-esque high school football legends, and NFL Chimps.


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