Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Un-Fucking-Believable News: 2.14.2006

Sometimes you come across a news story so appalling, so unbelievably incredible that it boggles your mind. Such an event occured this afternoon while perusing news stories from www.drudgereport.com. A 26 year old woman from Missouri is being charged with knowingly exposing men to her HIV infested box. Ok, you might say, so she is not mentioned the fact that she has HIV to her lovers, it can't be that many right? Wrong. Dead Wrong. Can you count to 100? This bitch can. She had a miscarriage at 14, and was infected with HIV at that age. She is 26 now. I have to assume that most of her tally came after she was 14, and after she had HIV. So she averages banging a new guy about once a month, for 10 years. I have come across some scandalous women in my days, but Jesus Christ... thats alot of dudes. When God was handing out vices, this lady must have been at the back of the line. "Ok, you get cigarettes, you get booze, you don't get a vice....keep the line moving...porn, legos, baseball cards, porn, video games, lottery, booze...whoa wait a second Ms. Angela Harris. Your vice is sex, and from the moment you have your first time, you will spend all your free time fucking and unleashing incurable diseases upon the unsuspecting public...." Hey, if she doesn't end up in jail, she should read this next article...It could do wonders for her mission to fuck and kill anything that moves in Missouri.
I sort of did a double take when I happened upon this doozy of an article. Its called Vaginal Rejuvination surgery. Its the new health trend that is sweeping the nation. It basically involves a woman going to a hospital, leaning back in a chair, and having a mad scientist (or doctor) say 'spread em' while he points a laser between her legs. Now I'm no woman, but that doesnt sound like my idea of a good time. A quote: "Some experts estimate as many as 30 million American women suffer from excess vaginal relaxation, a condition where the vaginal canal is more spacious than desired." AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a quote. Now if you are a woman reading this and are afflicted with this condition, excuse me. I just think there could be better terms used to talk about it and describe it.
"So what brings you in today?" "Well doctor, I am having a bad case of excess vaginal relaxation. I mean, my vaginal cavity is spacious... I mean really. You could, and I have, fit some good sized foreign objects in there. Is there anything we can do to cut down on that flapping noise i hear when the wind picks up?" For you 30 million America woman who are looking into this surgery....No handshakes, no hugs....Just a Fist Pound.
And finally, a follow up to last weeks story about the 6 year old boy from Brockton who got suspended for sexual harassment after he had the audacity to touch a young girl's waistband. The boy has transferred to a new school. The principal of his old school apparently held a meeting with the child and his mother to apologize. The school said it had learned a lesson, and would go over the rules to change things. The school describes sexual harassment as "uninvited physical contact such as touching, hugging, patting or pinching." Subsequent games of Duck, Duck Goose were cancelled, as well as Trust Falls, Tag, and all sports involving balls. Students trying in vein to pat their heads and rub their bellies were told to abort all activity or face expulsion. When reached for comment about the events of the past few weeks, the 6 year old boy said, "Man fuck a suspension. Was it worth it? Heeellll yeah it was worth it, I got some waistband son! You know how many kids get a hand full of elastic waistband at this age?!? I ain't washed my hand since. I'm a fuckin' legend son. A LEGEND! "

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog was on the risky side, and i liked it. Some people in this world are nuts. In the future i would like to see some news/stories about the writers work place, and his day to day life. I would also suggest he quiet his bull shi* job and look for something full time where he could use his talents.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hey man everyone is entitled to their opiion, thats what free speech and the 1st Amendment is about. I'm not sure what anonymous means about to"quiet" your job, or could it be a spelling error.
I like your blog, it follows the lines of my blog. About how stupid the world can look at things today. I mean REALLY, doesn't anyone see the absurdity in which we live today? Personelly I like your bolg, keep it up.
L8TR
Chris

3:18 AM  

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